Today is one of the emotionally bumpy days, and yesterday. Both days I have found myself in tears by 3pm, and just the rest of the night is rough. Well and maybe a few days ago as well... sometimes it starts with reading someone's facebook status, or seeing a picture, or like today I was reading through this book they gave me at the hospital called "When a baby dies". For the most part this book hasn't increased my grieving at all, I mean it has helped me a lot, but today I was reading about the grandparents. How they are not only grieving for the loss of their grandchild but also for the loss that their own child is experiencing, and how they can't just kiss the boo boo and make it better. And actually that wasn't the part that made me upset... it was reading about how this one lady had her father and husband there while she was in labor, and her dad gave her husband a hug, and her husband just started crying. Ok so it's making me want to cry again, so I will leave that thought there and just move on...
After crying and taking a quick shower, and now being dry eyed, I went to Target ... probably shouldn't have done that, for some reason I couldn't help myself I had to go look at the baby stuff. It's all so cute, and adorable... and after about 10 minutes of looking at things I realized I was torturing myself... so I left that section... quickly. Eh I don't know, it just wasn't a happy visit in Target, and that is one of my favorite stores to wander, but I had no fun doing it today, couldn't make myself smile if I wanted to. Still am feeling just kind of down, mooish... sad.
Going to be making Pork cutlets with apples and leeks tonight for dinner... trying a new recipe, don't know if I will like it or not. But Paul thought it sounded good, so I will try it out and see if we really do like it.
I can't wait till tomorrow night, we get to hang out with Nathan and Katie and little cute little Alia, they always tend to distract me and Paul, we can forget about some of our emotional stuff.
We have also been having annoying health insurance things. The bills from the hospital and stuff in VA is just crazy because the hospital there isn't in our network (which makes sense... I mean we were out of state). So I wrote them an appeals letter asking for them to consider the hospital and all those expenses from those two days to be considered in network since it was a medical emergency and we had to go. I just read through the booklet and there is something in there about medical emergencies and non-PPO peoples and how they would cover it as an in-network thing.
We are also considering finding another insurance provider but really aren't sure about it. But I think I could find one that cost less that has a lower deductible... but not sure. Meh so many things.
Also trying to come up with a budget and to eat healthy and to spend more frugally and get housework done... perhaps I am trying to do too much at once. On top of wanting to get pregnant again and worrying about that, it is just all kind of overwhelming. Oh and on top of all that, wanting to actually spend time on hobbies... reading, playing games, and quilting... visiting with friends and family, and actually talking on the phone with folks. How do people keep it all straight? How do they get everything done that they want to do?
So any tips on... any of the above mentioned things are always welcome. I want to get my stuff all worked out, feel kind of organized, feel like things are in control again...