More thoughts on family stuff

Well if you have been reading my blog, you know that Paul's sisters are both Jehovah Witness's, and you know that Paul was one 4 years ago and then he stopped and joined the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. Well you would also know that on April 17th, 2009 his younger sister came to the decision to stop hanging out with Paul. Another thing you would know is that his younger sister and her husband are our bestest friends and the only place in the world we would want to be is near them. Pre-April 17th, 2009 we would hang out at least 3 times a week since we had moved here in mid March, so about a month of hanging out all the time. Now it's been 3 months and no changes have happened. If anything they seem to be moving on pretty well by being content in just being with themselves and with hanging out with other Witness's. Great, they aren't upset about not talking with or hanging out with Paul. Great. :(

This morning it just hit me the wrong way reading a twitter that my sister in law had posted. I have decided to not do my twitter account anymore, that's really my one connection to his family and it upsets me to read twitters about how happy they are and content they are with their lives that are clearly missing Paul's company. The best thing about that first month we were here was seeing how happy Paul was to be near his best friend and his sister who he loves so much. I think about our kids and I wonder how well they will know each other when we have them. The nephews and nieces that Paul won't know because of this. I don't think I mentioned that they are still talking to me, but it's hard to go over there, hard to see them without Paul. I do it out of love though. People keep telling me that I should stop talking to them until they start talking to Paul... well yes that's my first instinct, and it would be something done out of hate and revenge, and not love as God tells us to behave.

I don't know why this hit me today so hard, most days I just go on and don't even think about it. Today I am having a hard time coping. Unfortunately I can't just sit in my misery, I need to somehow get past this today and work towards being able to see them. We are sharing a CSA box so I will have to see them on Wednesday when we get it... maybe by then I won't be so upset. I will pray and trust in the Lord to bring the truth of his word to my family(Paul and I included in case we are reading incorrectly).

Slightly different topic... I can't believe we have already been here 4 months. It seems like yesterday that we were packing up the truck and getting ready to leave Wisconsin. So far I like it here, we haven't had a lot of good Washington weather. Although yesterday and today are great, overcast and cool. :) I went to wal-mart yesterday and it was sooooo hot in there. I felt like I was in a sauna, it was not fun. One awesome thing about my wal-mart here though, is that they have a fabric section! Hurray! I love going in there and seeing if they have any cute cotton remnants for sale, yesterday they did, 4 of them. Interesting enough they two of them matched each other as well as the other two matching each other. All four of them together would have been bad, but I see a potential quilt one day out of these. I need a better way of organizing fabric... right now everything is in my closet, which doesn't seem to be the best way cause I am running out of space. I think I will try moving my "real" clothes down to another location and just having the shelf in my closet just for fabric. That might be the best choice.

Ok so anyways, I've managed to distract myself with fabric talk... lol. I suppose that's a good start to feeling less miserable about other situations. Hope everyone else is having a great Monday. Time to play Monday Monday... :)

Yay it's Saturday!

This means... well it isn't a normal saturday.

Today... Paul works from 9-1, he has to be around to answer any questions and what not.

Also, Paul's mom is going to come over this morning sometime and we will get to see them. It's been two months since the day they helped us pack up our truck. It will be nice to have them here for a little while.
I think we are going to lunch with them.
Not sure what's happening after that, I guess we will figure it out as we go.

Tomorrow everyone has church in the morning and then Kelly and Mark were talking about going out to the beach to see her folks, we were thinking of going along. Not sure if that's happening or not, Paul is going to talk to his mom today and figure things out.

After that I don't think we would see them much, they will be out at the beach and Paul has to work on Monday and Tuesday. Then Tuesday they go back to Wisconsin. I have my interview Tuesday! Yay!

I better go wake up Paul and make him some breakfast... he needs to start working in the next 10 minutes! :) Bye

Friday AM Worries

I am in bed and I keep thinking about how tomorrow Paul wants to go see his dad, this is good. I am going to go along. To give you an idea as to why I am worried... well, Paul and I have been married for 4 years (in a week!) and I have not met my father in law yet. So tomorrow is pretty big.

I hope that he is as excited to meet me as I am to meet him. Although he doesn't really know that we are coming tomorrow morning, just last time Paul saw him he had told his dad that he would be coming by from time to time. I don't know if he really does care to meet me... I know that he told Paul that he didn't mind meeting me, but that doesn't mean he is excited to.

There are a lot of things that are upsetting in this family right now... started with a divorce, then with a dad that doesn't talk to his children, then with siblings not talking to their brother because of religion, and where it ends up... I don't know. Those three things mentioned above are enough to keep me sad for a long long time.

But God says not to worry, to lay your worries at his feet and to trust in him. So I will try my hardest to do that... I just keep praying for comfort and help and for a whole family here.

I should go to bed so that I am well rested for tomorrow morning. Hopefully my worries and anxiety are for nothing...

Company

Tomorrow my mother in law comes to visit. Not sure how this is going to work with Paul's sister not talking to him... I guess this will be a test of how family functions will work in the future.

I just hope I don't cry the whole time. Just thinking about it now makes me sad, very very sad and there's nothing I can do but pray for a change. It's been a few weeks since I have really thought about it or cried about it, just thinking about it now is making me cry. I feel helpless, like there's nothing I can do to change any of this.

Paul tells me not to worry about it, so I try not to but I can't help but think about it sometimes. I am going to try and distract myself today with cleaning and hope that helps some.

Paul's aunt is pregnant and going to be having her baby any time now, I am excited about that. We don't see them that often since we have moved here, I am hoping that changes over time. I really would like to get to know Paul's family better. His family behaves so much differently than mine. My family is around all the time, and everyone knows what is going on with everyone, you barely go a week without talking to someone who has talked to one of the others. I used to hate this about my family, hated that everyone knew what was going on with everyone else. Now I like it, I wish I knew what was happening with Paul's family more, that would mean we were talking more and doing stuff together more. I like that my family would get together often (at least for the holidays), you always got to see your cousins, aunts, and uncles a lot. When you marry into a family that doesn't celebrate holidays and don't talk that often to each other... it's hard to adjust sometimes. It was ok when we were in Wisconsin, cause we weren't near any family really, so I didn't notice it as much. But now that there's so much around, and so little getting together, it is sad. I kind of wonder if some of them don't realize that we have moved here. I don't really know how to get in contact with some of his family, so I will have to figure that out eventually. I kind of know where they live, I know Paul knows where they live, so maybe we might have to just drive over there one day.

Anyways, I need to clean, distract myself, but I just wanted to write a little... get some things off my mind. Later!

Stuff on Vacation

The last few days have been busy. Friday we went down to Portland, Oregon to meet a friend that we know from playing World of Warcraft. He was very nice, almost exactly as we thought he would be, a tad shorter than we had thought. Had a lot of fun seeing the city there, I have never seen that city before and was very excited. We saw multiple mountains like Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Ranier (I think), and Mt. Stevens. It was pretty cool, next time I am going to take a map of Washington with me. I have an atlas that I would like to highlight the different roads I have been down and keep track of where I have gone in Washington.

My mother in law and her husband got in Friday and went to her mom's place. We were going to go there Friday night but were all so tired and no one felt safe enough to drive the hour and a half drive. They live on the port, and look out their front window to see the harbor, and ships. We left to go to their place and ended up having car trouble and getting there two hours late (some of that two hours was just us leaving later than we wanted to). I got to see the antique shop that Paul's grandparents own and run, that was pretty cool. I love antique shops. I love Paul's grandparents, we call them the Quacks, I think cause his grandpa used to quack at them, lol.

We went on a walk on the beach there, saw the Pacific ocean, and the beautiful waves. Lots of sand dollar things. The one on the left is the most common thing we saw (I borrowed this picture from someone online, not one I took but very close to what we really saw).
I saw some whole ones but I decided to not keep them, not really sure what they were and how/why they washed up on the shore. I hated the idea of possibly killing a living thing by picking it up. I now know that I didn't kill it, they wash up on the shore after they die, it is the way the ocean cleans these out/up.





















Later that day we got to go out to eat with the Quacks for Pizza, and with Paul's mom and her husband, it was a lot of fun. We then went back to their place and had blackberry pie that was made especially for Paul, since he loves the pie. As we were getting ready to leave Paul and I went to look at the harbor and were lucky enough to see a seal sticking it's head up and swimming about, that was really cool. Paul, his mom and her husband and I went back to his sister's place and went to sleep. I realized this was the first time that I had driven further than a half hour with Paul's mom and her husband, it was fun.

This morning we were able to hold our two month old nephew :) he has a head full of hair and brown eyes. He is so pretty and so small. I love babies, love holding them, watching them and just loving on them. We also got to see Paul's older sister and her husband (the parents of our nephew), they said their plane trip was good, which could have been bad flying with a kid.

Currently Paul and I are alone, the rest of the family went to meeting, they are all Jehovah's Witness's, which is a bit weird for me since I have never been a Witness, and I think it is awkward for Paul since he used to be a Witness but now we are Lutheran. It just is weird.

Later today we are going to a family potluck... so that should be interesting. I get to meet Paul's extended family on his dad's side of the family. It will be a lot of people and I am kind of nervous. I just hope I don't put my foot in my mouth like I usually do, or say anything weird.

Alright going for now, the family will be back in probably an hour or so... I think anyways.

Later!

Family, Friends... Can't wait

I leave Thursday morning to see my family and friends in Virginia. Hopefully that night I will be able to see My cousin and his wife before they go on vacation on Saturday, My cousin just got back from fighting overseas so I am very very glad that he came back safely. He has gone twice, this time he was in Kuwait and last time he was in Afghanistan, his troop lost two men in the Afghanistan trip, I don't believe there were any casualties this last trip. My cousin got married last year before he shipped out and for the whole year his wife has been by herself, but now they are reunited. :)

Friday I plan on spending my whole day with my group of friends who were all part of my friends life that passed away last Monday. This is definitely something I need right now, it is very hard to be away from people during times like this. I have friends who love me here and want to support me here in Wisconsin, but none of them know my friend, and I really need to share stories with my friends. To know that we are all having a hard time right now, that it's ok that I am not "Okay" with this yet. Yesterday I talked to one of the girls and it was so nice to be able to share some of the harder moments this past week. I will be visiting the grave on Friday and possibly visiting with the family, we will see what they are up to.

Saturday and Sunday I hope are family and baby filled. I keep getting videos of my nephew sent to me and they are just so cute! He is discovering his hands and how to grab at things, he loves to sit in his bouncy chair and play with this toy that has song, lights and a dancing monkey! How much better can you get? He kicks his feet to the music and gets really excited.

Monday and Tuesday I hope my parents are able to take the days off and that we are able to spend them together. If they have to work then I will have to see. One of those days I have to go see my grandma, she is getting older and every second counts, every visit is important. She is looking forward to seeing me and I am looking forward to seeing her.

Wednesday I head back to Wisconsin... such a short trip home. :( I wish we lived closer to family, but I really wish they lived more out here. The climate in VA really makes me cranky, and miserable. We will see, I think in the long run I will be further away from my family but closer to Paul's, Paul wants to move to Washington or Oregon in a few years so we will see what happens.

Anyways, off to get ready for work. Gotta wake up Paul in a bit so he can get ready and then we walk to the bus stop! :)