So I was reading my facebook wall as usual and one of my cousin's wife's posted something about Labor and Delivery nurses. Apparently while in a class she heard two people say how they did NOT want to be L&D nurses. So she posted this on her wall and people responded. I was one of those people, I particularly really was glad to have the nurses that we did when we lost our baby. They were all so nice, caring, thoughtful, patient, knowledgeable, and willing to talk to me whenever I needed, everything that I wanted out of a nurse. Anyways one of the the other comments was something like "Are they crazy? I love babies! I want to be an l&d nurse." I had to refrain myself from typing, "It isn't always so happy in Labor and Delivery, some people don't end up coming home with a baby and you would have to deal with those people too. It isn't about the baby at the end, it's about how you treat the mother and the father and everyone around that little infant. Most of the time that people are in Labor and Delivery they aren't spending it with a baby, they are in labor most of that time." Bah so instead of saying that on facebook I just decided to come blog about it. :)
The hardest part of my stay in the hospital was leaving it empty handed and with an empty womb, I would have been glad to have stayed in the hospital for the next 5 or 6 months, however much longer my baby could have stayed inside in order to grow into a healthy baby boy that we could eventually have left home with. I would have done anything to go home with my baby. The next hardest thing for me was to realize that there wasn't anything I could have done.
The many weeks now since we lost the baby have all been a blur, I can remember a day here and there, but I don't remember the order that things happened. I know we were sick for a week in December, and then sick again the beginning of February. I know that we have seen my mother in law and her husband a few times. We have also seen some of our good friends a few times. My birthday passed as well, and I remember that day because we had some friends from Chicago come up, they gave me a new board game and we ate pizza and ice cream and drank some drinks. I have also found a new doctor during this time, on Jan 28th I saw Dr. Kostic up here in Port Washington, she was everything that I wanted in a doctor. I am very very excited to begin working with her. I also started my monthly times a few weeks ago, so that is one more step closer to healing (You wouldn't believe how much of a deterrent that is from feeling ok with things, not that I -am- ok with things, but each day is a little bit different than the last). We have also been to church a few times, wish it had been more but since we have been sick so often it just hasn't been possible to go.
I wonder if my body is more susceptible to getting sick with the state of my emotions and stuff. Surely being in a grievous state has made it harder to heal. Sometimes I just don't care about what is going on around me, at those times I tend to cling to Paul and hope that he can help bring me out of that place. Most of the time he does, and if he doesn't then we try to distract ourselves for the evening and normally things are better the next day.
On a different note I have been trying to get into reading again. As well as back into quilting. I have a quilt I've been working on for a year now that I really should just sit down and finish, get it done. It would be nice to have on our bed eventually. :) I have been getting a variety of books from the library, trying to expand my reading some. Although right now it's been focused in the young adult section... but that's ok I think. :) I hope.
We have been watching a few television series as well, "Curb your Enthusiasm" is one of them, and Star Trek DS9 is the other. Without Paul I've been watching Glee (I love hearing them sing the different songs and everything). Curb your Enthusiasm is interesting because it's Larry David (one of the guys who wrote the Seinfeld show) and his life, the funny things he gets into and stuff. Some of it is painful to watch and others just make us laugh and laugh. Star Trek is starting to be one of my favorite shows, I love the characters from DS9, The Next Generation, and the Original series. I can't wait to watch Enterprise and there is one other one (can't remember the name right now) that I just can't wait to watch, they are in our Netflix queue now.
Also, soon we will have another nephew. My sister in law has been having contractions on and off over the last week, but they believe the baby is coming soon! So I am very very excited. This means I am taking care of my mother in law's cats while they are out waiting for the new arrival. Sunday (yes super bowl sunday) I went over to their house to check on the cats, I changed their litter and gave them food and water. Then I went to throw out the litter in the garbage can in the garage... closed the door behind me, threw out the garbage and then went to go back inside to find that it was locked. Yep, I locked myself into the garage... and yes it was snowing and cold. :( So it took a couple hours but we finally were able to get a friend (thanks!) to come and pick up my husband, drop him off at his mom's house, and he let me inside. Ick what a stupid Sunday. Thank goodness we weren't into the game all that much... never really am unless around people who enjoy it. So that was fun, gotta talk to my other nephew while I was in the garage, my mother in law passed the phone to him. He's 3 and really cute, although at this point he hasn't really learned to enunciate words so it is hard to understand him. But that doesn't take away from the cuteness of it.
Anyways, for the moment that's enough of my ramblings, hope to get back to you soon!