Monday, September 12, 2011

I hate saying goodbye

So mom and dad left today. :(
And we went to the cemetery today to see the boys, I decided to take the flowers that people have given us and laid them on the grave. Hope people don't mind... but I really didn't want to see them here at the apartment anymore just dying... meh. So maybe they will dry nicely at the gravesite.
And all I want right now are my boys. I have one of them (My Pauly husband) but I want my Christopher and Nicholas too. Guess I just have to wait for them to be with me.
I hate that this is something we are having to deal with... :(
So many questions ... no one should have to go through the loss of a child at anytime... it's so hard, your heart feels heavy and too heavy really that you can't imagine why it's still beating or how it's still beating. You just want to fast forward time to a point where you think you might be feeling less vulnerable, less like crying all the time. Just walking around is hard, there are pregnant women everywhere! Also babies and kids all over... I love cute children as much as anyone else, maybe even more than most people, but I think I need a break from seeing them (well some of them, some of them I -need- to see, my little nephews and little "nieces" (not really nieces by blood, but they are the cutest little girls) and of course some of my other friends children), don't need to see quite as many cute children. Especially don't need to see parents yelling at their children, or in situations where they seem just annoyed with their children... that is upsetting for me.
Bah, anyways tired of writing, wanted to write some of this... and probably other things too, but it is exhausting. Perhaps now time to check out and play WoW so that I can just veg... *sigh* later!

1 comment:

Sharon Pernes said...

I wish I had more words to help, but I don't think there's anything more I can say. But know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
And playing WoW is a great distraction. What kind of character so you play? I was a troll priest.