Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Christmas letter

Or blog post... what's the difference? (well they are very different, but whatever!)

Dear Friends and Family,

These letters are usually used as a way to reflect on the last year, update your friends and family on your life, especially those friends and family who you don't talk to every day or even once a week. So I will attempt to do that, hopefully without too many tears on my part or yours, but I am sure there will be a bucket load of them. Ok well not really starting out that positive... am I?

I received a lovely card from my sister today, saying how she wished there was something she could do or say to help with the year I've had and how there really aren't any words that can be said that can help.. That only one being can help, and that's God. That's why I pray often, read the word often and go to church as often as I can make it. Hearing the word and receiving the sacrament are what I need.

To reflect on the year though... there have been good moments and bad. Good are the moments where I got a positive test result, found out I was pregnant for the first and then second time. Another good moment was the birth of my God Daughter Zoe, she is such a cutie pie and her smile melts my heart every time. My niece was born this year, chubby lovable niece born on 11/27. :) I have another niece due any day now and I am sure she will be a cutie pie too. More good... moving to Wisconsin (again!), getting my job at Roundy's (again!), Paul moving into the independent contractor work with programming, friends getting engaged, friends getting pregnant and having babies, friends becoming pastors, Moving to a new apartment, making new friends at my jobs (Roundy's and Manpower), friends getting jobs (that aren't crappy!), Parents coming to visit, and I'm sure there are many more that I haven't thought of but will probably think of later (or never realize what good those moments were until many years later or maybe never).

The bad and complicated times of my last year are not many but they are painful and heart wrenching. December 3rd 2010 I lost my baby boy Christopher. September 2nd 2011 I lost my baby boy Nicholas. The days after these lossed have had many bad moments, times that I just wanted to throw myself down on the bed and cry for the rest of my life. I hate the moments when people ask me if I have kids, I never know what to say or how to deal with the painful moment. I find it hard to be around pregnant women, women with children, young women with no children, older women past the age of having children, men with children, or just young men or older men... I guess just people in general. Of course there are exceptions, friends and family who I don't have a hard time being around or talking to, people who don't remind me of the boys we've lost. I don't know why there are exceptions... but there are.

So I guess... I kind of suck at this Christmas letter writing this year.

I hope that all my friends and family have a very Merry Christmas. I just keep focusing on the future and hoping that next year will prove to be a little bit less stressful, less sad and hopefully there will be some good news in store if all goes as we hope. I might be working on my degree and we might be expecting a little one or at least be thinking about it again. Who knows what the future has in store for us.

Anyways, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!


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