I'm pretty sure that my emotional stability isn't there today and I probably would have gotten upset. I probably needed the quiet evening at home... maybe. Although seeing others enjoying themselves when you are feeling bummed out is not easy. I am glad my friends and family are having a good time this time of year... and I do have some good moments to enjoy. But eh, I don't know maybe I should just avoid facebook until the holidays are done. Wait until the first blizzard then get online, people will not be happy then... I will be, but that's cause I love snow and I enjoy the quiet and peace it brings.
I feel like a broken record, all the should have's that go through my head... the should have's aren't the is and the are. I can't change the past but I also can't seem to remove the voice that likes to continually go though the would have, should have and could have's. How do you stop that record? How do I just live my life as it is? That's what I do though, I do continue living, breathing, eating, working... all of the things I need to do. But I am also continually grieving. I am pretty sure that doesn't go away, but I do wish it didn't come up so much in my thoughts.
Maybe it's time for bed. I work tomorrow, am off Friday and then work Saturday. And I turn 30 in the next couple of days... yay? I don't know. I might see if Paul wants to go out to eat or something. That might help.