A new niece!

So yesterday my second niece in the last 2 months was born. Both of them are great and wonderful.

I don't even know if I should blog about this right now cause I feel torn. I am happy for my families, happy that there are new babies, more than glad that everything has gone well for them but there's this other side of me, the sad, depressed side that doesn't know what to say or how to deal with this. My due date for Nicholas is fast approaching... thoughts of "I should be crazy big and ready to pop" keep going through my head. I just wish things were different, and I know most people do wish the same for us. I feel like all I can do is just let myself cry, let myself feel crappy for the night if that's what it takes to have a week or two of no crying. January 22nd is coming up fast... bah.

I think I just need to focus on the plan... here's the plan...

1. Lose weight, by February 1, 2013 (or sooner) I plan on being 60 pounds (or more) lighter.
- Step 1 - Follow Weight watcher points to the T
- Step 2 - Wii fit or walk or exercise somehow 3 times or more during the week
- Step 3 - Take pictures. They are the best motivation ever, take a picture of yourself in your undies or swimsuit and all of a sudden you -want/need- to make a change. It is easy to look in the mirror while clothed or completely naked and to like what you see... But yeah to see yourself in swimsuit or undies... well yeah it's a different experience. (Try it... it will motivate you to lose weight or tone some muscles!)

2. Look at going back to school, finishing my degree.
I hadn't thought about it seriously until after this second loss and I started going back to work. I realize that my housewifing isn't the best, and I honestly don't know if I would be any better at it once a baby is introduced. So if I get my degree then I can be the working person and Paul can be the stay at home person. This is still a tentative plan but it's worth going forward with... because I get my degree and Paul gets to practice cleaning and stuff. He would still do some things but it would be mostly contract work and would get paid pretty nicely for that.

3. Get health insurance (will have some by 2/1/12!) and get some health issues looked at.
When I was pregnant we thought perhaps that I might have sleep apnea because of the protein that was in my urine. It was a small amount but still something to look at cause it was more than what should be there. So we are going to get that taken care of.

Above and beyond the things listed above are the general things of hobbies... games, books, friends, quilting, organizing... and so on. I might as well take the time to develop some of my skills and hobbies and interests if I have the time. So this Saturday I will be going to Madison to play board games again with the group of people I had been playing with before. And on Sunday we will be trying to do an online version of DnD with our friends, so some roleplaying will be involved. Hopefully this works out for the best.

Well looky there... now that I am to the end of my blog post I've stopped crying... yay! :) Almost time for dinner, but I am working on cleaning the bedroom... and organizing some papers and stuff. :) Focus time! Thanks for listening/reading.