Yesterday morning at 2:41 am I gave birth to my son Nicholas, he was 19 weeks 5 days old. He lived until 6:15 am when the doctor's could no longer find his heartbeat. I witnessed small movements, a few breaths, and could make out his eyes moving under his eyelids. His tiny hands and feet, his small little nose, cute little cheeks, little ears, everything was so perfect, he had no abnormalities at all. There were physical features about him that reminded me of my husband, my dad, my mother in law, my mom, my sister, my grandparents and myself. He weighed 10.4 oz and was 9.5 inches long.
The cause for early labor was because my cervix just couldn't handle the weight of the pregnancy, they call this an incompetent cervix. Wednesday evening my baby's sac fell through the cervix and never went back in fully, this is called hourglassing. Thursday I was put on bed rest, and my bed was tilted with my head downwards in the hope that gravity would do it's magic and everything would go back to where it belonged. Unfortunately that didn't happen.
For future pregnancies we are considered high risk, so there will be extra measures taken to make sure I go full term. One of the steps is to put in a cerclage, and probably another one will be for me to use progesterone cream, both of these would start around week 12 of the pregnancy. It's possible that I might even need to go on bedrest at some point in the pregnancy as well. But they would watch everything very very closely, I will have appointments with my regular ob/gyn as well as a Maternal and Fetal Medicine doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies. We are planning on waiting for about 6 months or so before trying again.
I miss my baby Nicholas like crazy as well as his older brother Christopher who we lost 9 months ago. No words can describe the feelings that we are going through right now. Thanks for all prayers and thoughts, both Paul and I appreciate them.