I never expected to be spending money on flowers for one of my friends funerals so soon in my life. You always think, "That's what older people do. Not people in their 20's." All I can ask myself today is "Why?" and I don't think I will get an answer anytime soon, or ever.
I keep reminding myself to not think about all the what if's and all the things I should have been doing instead of being so self absorbed. Why didn't I call her more often? Why didn't I invite her to come over for a week? Distance shouldn't matter with friendships. If you think of someone as one of your best friends then you should call them, talk to them, they won't think you are wasting their time. It's too late to change anything with my friend, too late to do anything differently.
Perhaps through this experience and life changing event, I will come to appreciate my other friends more, and will hopefully call them and talk to them more.
I am glad that I go to VA in a week, I get to see my parents and family, along with my friends who are sharing in my mourning, others who also knew my dear friend, who also are as shocked as I am.
At least at work I didn't cry all day, and that helped. Doing stuff that is normal everyday stuff helps.